Today is special. Eighteen years ago today at about this time I was reading Psalm 23 over and over, gaining strength from its words. I was about to make the best, most awesome and frightening decision. I was about to make Jesus my Lord and become his bride. The words from David soothed my soul in verse 6 of Psalm 23, "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." A sense of belonging, of being cherished and loved overwhelmed me. The knowledge of being forgiven and being given a new start filled me with peace. Knowing all that Jesus had done for me gave me a purpose for my life and a deep meaning. I was overjoyed.
I guess that was my parting of the red sea moment, getting into the Pacific Ocean in February to be baptized. But then the "wandering in the desert" began. God was always there to comfort me and make his presence known, but I often questioned him about his plan, "God, why can't I just be in Heaven with you? Why do I have to stay here?" It's painful to be refined, to see yourself clearly, to hurt others, to be disciplined by God himself, to feel distance from him, to be tested by him. Like Paul said, we groan until we are clothed with salvation. Deuteronomy 8 sums it up quite well, God's plan for our personal "Negev" experience:
2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.
I learned in "my Negev" that God knows me intimately. I learned that he wants to meet my needs, but he is always training me to go to HIM to meet them. I learned that he is my true father, and that just as he faithfully led the Israelites to the promised land, he will do the same for me. I have never been let down by his discipline or his plan. Yes, following Jesus and knowing God was the best decision I ever made, and, another 18 years from now I will still be earnestly seeking him in MY NEGEV.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Give it 5 Years
Today marks the 5th anniversary of an unforgettable night in my life. I spent hours making myself beautiful. My boyfriend, Joe, arrived on time with a bouquet of red roses. We drove into the sunset and arrived at a tiny park up above the Mississippi River in St. Paul, Minnesota. Joe pulled out a rather large satin box of chocolates and presented them with a smile and a "Happy Valentines Day!" He seemed a tad nervous. I opened the box and right there in front of me was ....chocolate. Ugh. "I thought he was proposing," I grumbled. But wait, did I see something else? I opened the box again and saw a small corner of tissue paper peeking out from under a morsel. I lifted the truffle and there it was! My sapphire and diamond sparkler was wrapped demurely and waiting for me. I took off the tissue and, shaking, lifted it up to take in its beauty. My boyfriend, now on one knee, asked me the question I had waited to hear all my life..."Ashley Elizabeth Nelson, will you be my wife?" I do believe the sun set at that exact moment...and the rest, as they say, is history.
And they lived happily ever after, right? Hmmm well...not at first. Not when you take all of our differences. I'm almost 10 years older, had been out of college for 10 years and had come from a very stable, "traditional" home where mom and dad truly loved each other. Joe, on the other hand, had just graduated college 3 months prior and was raised by a single mother. In fact, there were moments during our engagement when I literally asked myself, "What have you gotten yourself into?" On paper it seemed highly unlikely that we would be compatible. It made more sense that we would be highly COMBATIBLE.
But I had one, great thing to which I clung: my faith in God. His promises never fail. He is always faithful to his people. His timing is perfect and I knew it was my time to marry this man, Joe my prince. I remember hearing a distinct whisper that anchored my soul, "GIVE IT 5 YEARS." But what did that mean?
The Bible speaks of SEASONS and TIMING in Ecclesiastes 3
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
And they lived happily ever after, right? Hmmm well...not at first. Not when you take all of our differences. I'm almost 10 years older, had been out of college for 10 years and had come from a very stable, "traditional" home where mom and dad truly loved each other. Joe, on the other hand, had just graduated college 3 months prior and was raised by a single mother. In fact, there were moments during our engagement when I literally asked myself, "What have you gotten yourself into?" On paper it seemed highly unlikely that we would be compatible. It made more sense that we would be highly COMBATIBLE.
But I had one, great thing to which I clung: my faith in God. His promises never fail. He is always faithful to his people. His timing is perfect and I knew it was my time to marry this man, Joe my prince. I remember hearing a distinct whisper that anchored my soul, "GIVE IT 5 YEARS." But what did that mean?
The Bible speaks of SEASONS and TIMING in Ecclesiastes 3
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
But perhaps my favorite verse in this passage comes a little later in verse 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. God was saying to me, "It will take time but your marriage will be beautiful. GIVE IT 5 YEARS. You'll see the worst in eachother but GIVE IT 5 YEARS. You'll say and do things you wish you never did but GIVE IT 5 YEARS. You'll lose your dreams but GIVE IT 5 YEARS. You'll become exhausted and worn down by life but GIVE IT 5 YEARS. The demands of young children will overwhelm you but GIVE IT 5 YEARS.... and then you'll just begin to understand in my infinite wisdom why I led you to marry Joe. I love you and always want the best for you. Just stay faithful to me and I will do the rest (Matthew 6:33)."
Well, tonight marks 5 years to the day of that whisper and I write with a lump in my throat when I think of all the amazing things that have transpired for me and Joe. We have two beautiful boys and new dreams in our hearts. Our love grows deeper and richer and has truly become a BEAUTIFUL THING. I have hope for even more amazing things along our journey together, as imperfect as we are. I can hold on to those words and know that my God always knows the perfect time for everything under heaven.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Color of Love
No one has an excuse to "forget" Valentine's Day. Hearts and cupids are prominently on display in every consumer area from Starbucks to Safeway, reminding us to pay special attention to the ones we love. Well, the marketing paid off - it got me thinking. WHY IS RED THE COLOR OF LOVE? And then I considered the real Valentine behind the holiday.
In the 3rd century there was a Roman priest under Claudius' rule. Claudius had prohibited marriage in order to keep his soldiers focused and unafraid of dying. He reasoned that an unmarried soldier wouldn't have anyone to stay alive for and therefore fight with more courage.
Valentine, a faithful believer, was passionate about being able to unite lovers under God's blessing. He began to marry young couples in secret - that is, until Claudius discovered and imprisoned him.
Valentine was eventually beaten, stoned and beheaded. He shed his blood for love.
Valentine is a hero, but he was ultimately following another man who died and shed his own blood. He was inspired by the life and death of Jesus.
Red is the color of blood. Red is the color of sacrifice. True love always involves sacrifice, or it isn't true. When we love fully we are willing to do whatever it takes to prove that love, even to the point of death. Jesus taught us that. 1 John 4:19 says, "We love because he first loved us." How do we KNOW? Wow, how could we NOT KNOW? He died and shed his blood.
So, be filled with joy as you "see red" this month. It's a reminder of the unsurpassed love that God has for you. RED IS THE COLOR OF LOVE.
In the 3rd century there was a Roman priest under Claudius' rule. Claudius had prohibited marriage in order to keep his soldiers focused and unafraid of dying. He reasoned that an unmarried soldier wouldn't have anyone to stay alive for and therefore fight with more courage.
Valentine, a faithful believer, was passionate about being able to unite lovers under God's blessing. He began to marry young couples in secret - that is, until Claudius discovered and imprisoned him.
Valentine was eventually beaten, stoned and beheaded. He shed his blood for love.
Valentine is a hero, but he was ultimately following another man who died and shed his own blood. He was inspired by the life and death of Jesus.
Red is the color of blood. Red is the color of sacrifice. True love always involves sacrifice, or it isn't true. When we love fully we are willing to do whatever it takes to prove that love, even to the point of death. Jesus taught us that. 1 John 4:19 says, "We love because he first loved us." How do we KNOW? Wow, how could we NOT KNOW? He died and shed his blood.
So, be filled with joy as you "see red" this month. It's a reminder of the unsurpassed love that God has for you. RED IS THE COLOR OF LOVE.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Jewel Thief
What I say and what I do
I learned from one or all of you.
And when you lived your very best
I stole your gems for my treasure chest.
Unfortunately, this too is true
I learned to compromise from you.
The times you cheated or you lied
Just made me feel more justified.
But don't lose heart I also learned
To hate my sins each time you turned.
Each weakness that you've overcome
Has also shaped what I've become.
We all are learning everyday
From what others choose to do and say.
You never know who steals your jewels
Or uses you to break the rules.
So do your best and give your all
Be careful, don't let others fall.
God made you to hopefully
Teach me the best that I can be.
I learned from one or all of you.
And when you lived your very best
I stole your gems for my treasure chest.
Unfortunately, this too is true
I learned to compromise from you.
The times you cheated or you lied
Just made me feel more justified.
But don't lose heart I also learned
To hate my sins each time you turned.
Each weakness that you've overcome
Has also shaped what I've become.
We all are learning everyday
From what others choose to do and say.
You never know who steals your jewels
Or uses you to break the rules.
So do your best and give your all
Be careful, don't let others fall.
God made you to hopefully
Teach me the best that I can be.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Life is a Garden
Ok so by now if you have been reading my blog, you can see that I am fairly philosophical, like to reminisce, and am a sentimental fool. So, here goes it: my thoughts on life and why it's like a garden.
I just turned 40, and it's funny, I've heard myself begin to say things like, "When I was young," or "Over my life I have learned," or "When I was your age I used to..." etc etc. But I can say I have learned that life is truly like a garden: YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW. It's true. Each good thing I do is like a seed that sprouts something lovely. Each friendship I cultivate, making sure to weed regularly and water plentifully, eventually nourishes me. No full watering can or set of dirty knees ever goes unfruitful. Water a seed and take care of it and it will bless you with good fruit, nourishing vegetables, or beautiful flowers.
Hmmm weeds like water and good soil too! Uh-oh! Well, that's where good life maintenance comes in. It takes work. Make those phone calls, care about people, send that card, say the meaningful, loving things you need to say- including lots of "I'm sorry." Just like a garden, you don't know what will work, whether this or that, but if you do it and expect nothing in return, then you are satisfied merely doing the work. The payoff is a beautiful life, filled with a garden of people and experiences that are good and nourishing to the soul.
On the flip side, as the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 9:6: "Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously." I have at times wondered why I felt lonely or why my friendships just weren't what I wanted them to be. I was tempted to blame the people around me, but the most helpful solution always came when I looked at myself. How thoughtful was I? How encouraging am I to be around? Is it always about me? Do I refresh others or do I bring others down? Hard questions, but usually the answer came as I was honest with myself.
I love that scripture in Romans 2:6-8 "God will repay each person according to what they have done. To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger." I love imagining that life of GLORY, HONOR AND IMMORTALITY. That's a beautiful garden. That's worth getting my knees a little dirty.
I just turned 40, and it's funny, I've heard myself begin to say things like, "When I was young," or "Over my life I have learned," or "When I was your age I used to..." etc etc. But I can say I have learned that life is truly like a garden: YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW. It's true. Each good thing I do is like a seed that sprouts something lovely. Each friendship I cultivate, making sure to weed regularly and water plentifully, eventually nourishes me. No full watering can or set of dirty knees ever goes unfruitful. Water a seed and take care of it and it will bless you with good fruit, nourishing vegetables, or beautiful flowers.
Hmmm weeds like water and good soil too! Uh-oh! Well, that's where good life maintenance comes in. It takes work. Make those phone calls, care about people, send that card, say the meaningful, loving things you need to say- including lots of "I'm sorry." Just like a garden, you don't know what will work, whether this or that, but if you do it and expect nothing in return, then you are satisfied merely doing the work. The payoff is a beautiful life, filled with a garden of people and experiences that are good and nourishing to the soul.
On the flip side, as the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 9:6: "Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously." I have at times wondered why I felt lonely or why my friendships just weren't what I wanted them to be. I was tempted to blame the people around me, but the most helpful solution always came when I looked at myself. How thoughtful was I? How encouraging am I to be around? Is it always about me? Do I refresh others or do I bring others down? Hard questions, but usually the answer came as I was honest with myself.
I love that scripture in Romans 2:6-8 "God will repay each person according to what they have done. To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger." I love imagining that life of GLORY, HONOR AND IMMORTALITY. That's a beautiful garden. That's worth getting my knees a little dirty.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
War and Peace
The holidays have come and gone - a bittersweet time. My husband was visiting his mother overseas, and we missed him. My mother came for an extended visit for Christmas and to help me while he was gone. My brother and his whole family also came for a week - what a full house! It's funny, the holidays are SUPPOSED to be the season of "Peace on Earth" and "Goodwill Toward Men" but so many of us end up stressed, exhausted and empty. I was determined to not feel that way. I was determined to be joyful and set my mind on things above.
Guess what? It worked! Unfortunately my brother's family came very needy with a sick mommy and a stressed-out daddy and two kids who were ready to go! I cooked, cleaned, was a nurse, a babysitter, and a counselor. I had to rely on God to keep the ship afloat and keep the peace. I wanted that peace, not only for myself, but to really set an example of what a Christlike home FEELS like: calm, loving, restful, kind, willing...things they do not see and feel on a regular basis.
So, why is it so hard to feel and live these things with my spouse sometimes? I realized while he was gone that I have been expecting the peace to just BE there, as if it's the natural state. God reminded me just before he got home that, in fact, WAR IS THE NATURAL STATE! War within ourselves, the spiritual war waged full-time all around us, war among the nations. Wow, I had been fighting the wrong war.
God tells us in 1 Peter 3:11 that whoever would live a good life must "seek peace and pursue it." It's an intentional thing. It's a mindset. It comes from submitting to God and "keeping in step with the Spirit" (Galatians 5:25). It also comes from a desire. I pursue what I desire. My husband is my best friend. I desire a peaceful home and relationship with him.
If war is all around me, then I must choose my battles wisely. I am grateful for the time to think and realize these things while he was gone. Now I know what armor to wear so I can fight the battle and win!!
Guess what? It worked! Unfortunately my brother's family came very needy with a sick mommy and a stressed-out daddy and two kids who were ready to go! I cooked, cleaned, was a nurse, a babysitter, and a counselor. I had to rely on God to keep the ship afloat and keep the peace. I wanted that peace, not only for myself, but to really set an example of what a Christlike home FEELS like: calm, loving, restful, kind, willing...things they do not see and feel on a regular basis.
So, why is it so hard to feel and live these things with my spouse sometimes? I realized while he was gone that I have been expecting the peace to just BE there, as if it's the natural state. God reminded me just before he got home that, in fact, WAR IS THE NATURAL STATE! War within ourselves, the spiritual war waged full-time all around us, war among the nations. Wow, I had been fighting the wrong war.
God tells us in 1 Peter 3:11 that whoever would live a good life must "seek peace and pursue it." It's an intentional thing. It's a mindset. It comes from submitting to God and "keeping in step with the Spirit" (Galatians 5:25). It also comes from a desire. I pursue what I desire. My husband is my best friend. I desire a peaceful home and relationship with him.
If war is all around me, then I must choose my battles wisely. I am grateful for the time to think and realize these things while he was gone. Now I know what armor to wear so I can fight the battle and win!!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
What's the Big Idea?
Never before has one statement in the Bible meant so much to me. It's the difference between putting on an acutal outfit or just wearing sweats all day. It's the choice between light the candles or just go without. It means taking the time to ponder how I can make a difference each day, seeing each conversation, each interaction, each event as a way to truly impact those around me. It takes heart and planning. It takes a connection to God and his word, for he often whispers suggestions if we are willing to hear. It pushes me to do more than I thought I could.
We never know which day is our last. We never know when we will say goodbye to someone for the last time. I am one of those who lost a parent "out of the blue," no last kiss, no words of love...he was just gone one night. Turning 40 made me wake up and realize that my own life is precious and I have an alotted number of days in which to make a difference in this world.
So, what is this mysterious idea that I have been hinting at today? It's Ephesians 5, which tells us to "make the most of every opportunity." So go ahead, call that friend, send that card, light the candles and serve steak, whatever you can do to make the most out of it. For how often do opportunities come anyway? Yep, EVERDAY!
We never know which day is our last. We never know when we will say goodbye to someone for the last time. I am one of those who lost a parent "out of the blue," no last kiss, no words of love...he was just gone one night. Turning 40 made me wake up and realize that my own life is precious and I have an alotted number of days in which to make a difference in this world.
So, what is this mysterious idea that I have been hinting at today? It's Ephesians 5, which tells us to "make the most of every opportunity." So go ahead, call that friend, send that card, light the candles and serve steak, whatever you can do to make the most out of it. For how often do opportunities come anyway? Yep, EVERDAY!
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