My Negev

Today is special. Eighteen years ago today at about this time I was reading Psalm 23 over and over, gaining strength from its words. I was about to make the best, most awesome and frightening decision. I was about to make Jesus my Lord and become his bride. The words from David soothed my soul in verse 6 of Psalm 23, "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." A sense of belonging, of being cherished and loved overwhelmed me. The knowledge of being forgiven and being given a new start filled me with peace. Knowing all that Jesus had done for me gave me a purpose for my life and a deep meaning. I was overjoyed.

I guess that was my parting of the red sea moment, getting into the Pacific Ocean in February to be baptized. But then the "wandering in the desert" began. God was always there to comfort me and make his presence known, but I often questioned him about his plan, "God, why can't I just be in Heaven with you? Why do I have to stay here?" It's painful to be refined, to see yourself clearly, to hurt others, to be disciplined by God himself, to feel distance from him, to be tested by him. Like Paul said, we groan until we are clothed with salvation. Deuteronomy 8 sums it up quite well, God's plan for our personal "Negev" experience:

² Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. ⁴ Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. ⁵ Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

I learned in "my Negev" that God knows me intimately. I learned that he wants to meet my needs, but he is always training me to go to HIM to meet them. I learned that he is my true father, and that just as he faithfully led the Israelites to the promised land, he will do the same for me. I have never been let down by his discipline or his plan. Yes, following Jesus and knowing God was the best decision I ever made, and, another 18 years from now I will still be earnestly seeking him in MY NEGEV.

Give it 5 Years

Today marks the 5th anniversary of an unforgettable night in my life. I spent hours making myself beautiful. My boyfriend, Joe, arrived on time with a bouquet of red roses. We drove into the sunset and arrived at a tiny park up above the Mississippi River in St. Paul, Minnesota. Joe pulled out a rather large satin box of chocolates and presented them with a smile and a "Happy Valentines Day!" He seemed a tad nervous. I opened the box and right there in front of me was ....chocolate. Ugh. "I thought he was proposing," I grumbled. But wait, did I see something else? I opened the box again and saw a small corner of tissue paper peeking out from under a morsel. I lifted the truffle and there it was! My sapphire and diamond sparkler was wrapped demurely and waiting for me. I took off the tissue and, shaking, lifted it up to take in its beauty. My boyfriend, now on one knee, asked me the question I had waited to hear all my life..."Ashley Elizabeth Nelson, will you be my wife?" I do believe the sun set at that exact moment...and the rest, as they say, is history.

And they lived happily ever after, right? Hmmm well...not at first. Not when you take all of our differences. I'm almost 10 years older, had been out of college for 10 years and had come from a very stable, "traditional" home where mom and dad truly loved each other. Joe, on the other hand, had just graduated college 3 months prior and was raised by a single mother. In fact, there were moments during our engagement when I literally asked myself, "What have you gotten yourself into?" On paper it seemed highly unlikely that we would be compatible. It made more sense that we would be highly COMBATIBLE.

But I had one, great thing to which I clung: my faith in God. His promises never fail. He is always faithful to his people. His timing is perfect and I knew it was my time to marry this man, Joe my prince. I remember hearing a distinct whisper that anchored my soul, "GIVE IT 5 YEARS." But what did that mean?

The Bible speaks of SEASONS and TIMING in Ecclesiastes 3
¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

But perhaps my favorite verse in this passage comes a little later in verse 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. God was saying to me, "It will take time but your marriage will be beautiful. GIVE IT 5 YEARS. You'll see the worst in eachother but GIVE IT 5 YEARS. You'll say and do things you wish you never did but GIVE IT 5 YEARS. You'll lose your dreams but GIVE IT 5 YEARS. You'll become exhausted and worn down by life but GIVE IT 5 YEARS. The demands of young children will overwhelm you but GIVE IT 5 YEARS.... and then you'll just begin to understand in my infinite wisdom why I led you to marry Joe. I love you and always want the best for you. Just stay faithful to me and I will do the rest (Matthew 6:33)."

Well, tonight marks 5 years to the day of that whisper and I write with a lump in my throat when I think of all the amazing things that have transpired for me and Joe. We have two beautiful boys and new dreams in our hearts. Our love grows deeper and richer and has truly become a BEAUTIFUL THING. I have hope for even more amazing things along our journey together, as imperfect as we are. I can hold on to those words and know that my God always knows the perfect time for everything under heaven.

The Color of Love

No one has an excuse to "forget" Valentine's Day. Hearts and cupids are prominently on display in every consumer area from Starbucks to Safeway, reminding us to pay special attention to the ones we love. Well, the marketing paid off - it got me thinking. WHY IS RED THE COLOR OF LOVE? And then I considered the real Valentine behind the holiday.

In the 3rd century there was a Roman priest under Claudius' rule. Claudius had prohibited marriage in order to keep his soldiers focused and unafraid of dying. He reasoned that an unmarried soldier wouldn't have anyone to stay alive for and therefore fight with more courage.
Valentine, a faithful believer, was passionate about being able to unite lovers under God's blessing. He began to marry young couples in secret - that is, until Claudius discovered and imprisoned him.

Valentine was eventually beaten, stoned and beheaded. He shed his blood for love.

Valentine is a hero, but he was ultimately following another man who died and shed his own blood. He was inspired by the life and death of Jesus.

Red is the color of blood. Red is the color of sacrifice. True love always involves sacrifice, or it isn't true. When we love fully we are willing to do whatever it takes to prove that love, even to the point of death. Jesus taught us that. 1 John 4:19 says, "We love because he first loved us." How do we KNOW? Wow, how could we NOT KNOW? He died and shed his blood.

So, be filled with joy as you "see red" this month. It's a reminder of the unsurpassed love that God has for you. RED IS THE COLOR OF LOVE.