One Steering Wheel

I just got home from an exhilarating night with my girlfriends. We are all relatively newly married and have small children. We know each other from church and once a week we meet with our husbands and children for a "Bible Talk", which is really a rich and wonderful mix of friendship, family, our journey with God and raising our children, among other things. But tonight it was JUST THE GIRLS! So, it was a natural extension of our time together to ask each other questions like, "How is your marriage these days?"

Tonight I felt almost giddy answering because I had a good answer. You know how it is, people ask, "How've you been?" and, due to the fact that life is pretty much chuggin' along as usual the answer is most likely, "Good!" There's nothing wrong with that answer, but it won't inspire anyone or stand out in any way. A good answer is one that leaves you thinking, inspired, wanting more. Yep, I had a good one (if I dare say so myself).

When asked about my marriage, I told my girlfriend that I'd had an epiphany. The lights went on, and my brain and heart had an "aha!" moment. I GOT IT! I FINALLY GOT IT!! Marriage is like a car, there's only one driver, hence one steering wheel. Huh? You ask? Ok let me explain.

Imagine a car in which there are two steering wheels. What do you picture? Screeching, frightening mayhem - that's what I imagine. In fact, I can't think of one mode of transportation in which the steering of the machine didn't ultimately fall into just one person's hands. It's the way of the universe. There might be co-pilots or navigators who help guide the way, but in the end it's the person steering who makes the final decision. No one fights it or even questions it.
So why do we fight tooth and nail for control in marriage? Why do we figuratively reach over to "grab the wheel" when our husbands are "driving?"

I was under the impression that letting my husband "drive" was conditional. If he deserves it by the way he treats me I'll let him drive. If I agree with him I'll let him drive. If I understand his choices I'll let him drive. If he proves that his decisions are sound I will let him drive. Wow. We'd be in for a car wreck for sure with how many times I would be taking the wheel of our marriage. Nope, no more. I got it. He HAS to drive. God purposed him to drive and our marriage won't work if I grab for the wheel. There is only one, and it's on his side of the car - from God.

Ephesians 5:33b says, "the wife must respect her husband." I looked up the word "must" in regards to marriage and in the state of marriage (not referring to divorce or separation) this is the ONLY MUST we have as wives. Why? Because God wants our marriages to be peaceful and full of love and a light to the world. It MUST be this way because God has built our husbands to drive and for us to be wonderful, gracious, gentle and quiet spirited co-pilots. What makes me want to take the wheel? Usually fear of some sort. But God even has a wise word for that, of course.

1 Peter 3:5-6 says, For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

So, I decided to order my spirit under my husband's. I surrendered control to him. I finally got it and I did it willingly. I didn't give in to fear, but I gave my fears to God. I didn't wait for my husband to change either. I gave him what he needed first. It's been amazing, even in my daily mishaps I know I can quickly say, "I'm sorry for my disrespectful words. Please forgive me." and we're back! I am inspired to see how it helps us both to grow and I am excited to see where my husband will lead us on this extended "road trip" of life.