Bedrock!

I am hitting bedrock. Ugh I hate bedrock. It's the hardened, rocky place in our hearts beneath all of the happy, healthy, useful soil. It's the place we rarely see unless we dig or something outside of us exposes it. But it's in there. No one is without bedrock. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that praises the casual, the comical and the conforming. Deep thinkers are often told to "lighten up" or "get out more". It's sad. So, not many people ever see or understand their bedrock.

Ok, so back to mine...

I am so fortunate to be able to stay at home and be with my boys. What a blessing! And along with that blessing is the need for me to somehow contribute to the family's finances. I have had opportunities since 1998 to work with children as teacher, nanny, volunteer and now mom. So, to then take on one or two here at home is the perfect fit for me. Or, not so perfect. It's exposing my bedrock and I don't like it. The Bible shows me that to be like Jesus is to love and become more like children. That's my bar. That and my enemies. Or people who are different or needy or "prickly". They expose my ugly hard heart. I don't care how many fun grownups think I am great - if just one child thinks I am edgy and frustrated. The fun grownups are easy to love! No test of my heart! How does the unloveable person feel around me? Do I reinforce their unloveableness or am I like Jesus who approached them and asked "What's your name?"

I know all the right things in my head but my heart has some digging to do. There are rocks in there. God was so wise in selecting my husband for me. He loves all, but especially the different, the needy and the prickly. Ugh.